nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
