I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
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Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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