I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize