so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
