Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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