Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.