you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
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You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
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That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.