he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room