um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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