you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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