So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
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We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.