Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
