please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
