i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There r osticjed everywhere
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
