You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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