Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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