I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
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So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
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Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just want to make out with him forever
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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