What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
