As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
