I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
