im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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