Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
