After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
