Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Randomize
