Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
