butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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