dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
