He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
