dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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