After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
