it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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