We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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