i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
