We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
