What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
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how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
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He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss