lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce