You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.