everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right