Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night

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  (248): I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night http://tfl.nu/pm2y
  Replies (5) Good night (1240) Bad night (645)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.

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  (507): As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September. http://tfl.nu/oogz
  Replies (19) Good night (4826) Bad night (788)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?

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  (253): is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing? http://tfl.nu/rrvx
  Replies (5) Good night (677) Bad night (2731)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.

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  (224): his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this. http://tfl.nu/41n8
  Replies (55) Good night (1368) Bad night (5253)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless

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  (607): Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless http://tfl.nu/a84j
  Replies (20) Good night (5165) Bad night (645)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay

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  (647): Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay http://tfl.nu/st3m
  Replies (5) Good night (3017) Bad night (894)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.

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  (330): After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant. http://tfl.nu/zp63
  Replies (28) Good night (1528) Bad night (10405)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways

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  (406): You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways http://tfl.nu/cne1
  Replies (6) Good night (753) Bad night (1371)
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  (408): View more from California

  I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.

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  (408): I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up. http://tfl.nu/jlt9
  Replies (0) Good night (876) Bad night (533)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire

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  (484): if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire http://tfl.nu/0try
  Replies (14) Good night (2622) Bad night (930)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there

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  (612): Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there http://tfl.nu/59ui
  Replies (5) Good night (1037) Bad night (480)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.

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  (440): Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great. http://tfl.nu/fk00
  Replies (15) Good night (477) Bad night (763)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.

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  (954): I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school. http://tfl.nu/cu89
  Replies (1) Good night (937) Bad night (327)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket

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  (412): i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket http://tfl.nu/c231
  Replies (11) Good night (1273) Bad night (376)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I just had sex on a roof

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  (425): I just had sex on a roof http://tfl.nu/d0im
  Replies (4) Good night (747) Bad night (340)

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