You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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