my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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