I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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