HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
