Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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