I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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