I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
