his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
