Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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