Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
