If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
