Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
