Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
