I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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