Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
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i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
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Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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