Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I understand Curling. That high.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
