I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
