dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
