Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
