Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
