Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
