Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
