You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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