Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
did i walk over a car last night?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
