If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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