my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
