So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
