I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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