She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
