so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
