just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
