I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
