next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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