Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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