I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
