im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
