i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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