I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she pinky promised me she was 18
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
