I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
