I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize