I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
